The Wasteland Reviewer

If I Had Legs I’d Kick You (2025) Written Review

 How much of a strain can having a sick child be? The suffering. The fear. The uncertainty. All of this would be enough to push someone over the edge but there are so many other things in life that can be pushing down on someone. A mother attempting to have a career, be a mother, be the homemaker, taking on the weight of others’ trauma and struggling all while having little to no support is a terrible thought. Unfortunately, that is the reality for many women out there. Writer/director Mary Bronstein tackles these anxieties and fears through her new comedic psychological drama, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You. Rose Byrne’s Linda is a therapist who is aiding her daughter who has a tube due to an eating disorder. If I Had Legs I’d Kick You follows Linda as she struggles with exhaustion, psychosis, and overwhelming emotion when a giant hole opens in her home that displaces her and her daughter, isolated from her distant husband (both physical and emotional). 

How does Bronstein craft this experience from behind the camera? To be honest, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is one of the most uncomfortable and unnerving cinematic experiences of the year. The tension that is built throughout this film is at a fever pitch. Every scene feels like it is putting you completely on edge with healthy helpings of anxiety. The cinematography, from Christopher Messina, is so specific and effective. The opening sequence is a family counseling session, and the camera never moves from an uncomfortable close-up of Byrne’s face. This claustrophobic approach to blocking increases the tension and discomfort in such an impactful way. There are legitimating horrific moments of body horror that are quite nausea-inducing. Bronstein injects some abstract and aethereal imagery as well throughout the film giving the experience a more nuanced and layered feeling of symbolism. There are few films that feel like they capture anxiety, psychosis, and exhaustion as viscerally as Bronstein’s film. The tension alone is worth the price of admission. 

But does the story and themes deliver as well? Bronstein delivers a compelling exploration that does take things to an extreme level. There is no finesse here…just blunt force trauma. Each character and scenario are ratcheted up to peak level to craft such an unrelenting experience. The fact that everyone else in the film is the worst (except for one) does take away some of the authenticity but it does benefit the symbolic presentation that Bronstein is going for and benefits the unrelenting tension. The mother/daughter dynamic is compelling as Linda struggles with her own mental health while her daughter’s anxiety spirals and her overall health does not improve. There are a few moments when Linda confronts her own imposter syndrome as a mother that hits like a ton of bricks. There are so many red flags showing that Linda is in crisis and no one notices which is paralleled well with one of Linda’s own clients (Danielle Macdonald’s Caroline). Linda’s husband (Christian Slater), therapist (Conan O’Brien), and daughter’s doctor (Bronstein) fail to show any attention or empathy for Linda along their horrific spiral and that is devastating to watch. The symbolism does get quite abstract at times but the hole in Linda’s ceiling threads well with her daughter’s medical wound as well as the growing void inside her own self. Harrowing and poignant exploration for sure. 

Who is the real shining element of this whole experience? The powerful performance that Byrne delivers is awe-inspiring. The amount of detail that is in her performance is miraculous. The way Bronstein forces the camera into Byrne’s intimate space throughout the film means that every detail in her performance is under a microscope. Byrne never fails to deliver those feelings and struggles with great authenticity. The exhaustion. The mania. The breaks from reality. The physicality that Byrne brings to this film is incredible and the balance of emotion and humor is something that she has a great knack for. The rest of the cast play their roles perfectly as well. Delaney Quinn’s face is never shown throughout the film as Linda’s daughter, but you can feel every bit of her struggles from off camera. Slater was a great choice to do this mostly voice performance as an ignorant and abrasive husband/father. O’Brien delivers such an unexpectedly engrossing performance as this disconnected and distant therapist who never opens and connects to Linda throughout the film. Bronstein is fantastic as well as this insufferable doctor who lacks any empathy or awareness at all. Most of the cast are creating stereotypes except for A$AP Rocky whose character is one of the few to see through the noise and see what is really going on with Linda. Rocky balances humor and authenticity that engages the audience. 

Is If I Had Legs I’d Kick You a big win for A24? This new “comedy” certainly has the humor in places but so much of this film is devastating. The level of discomfort that Bronstein can create is incredible and impressive. Byrne delivers one of the best performances of the year with the depth and emotion of her work. This is a harrowing tale about motherhood and mental illness that is both unrelenting and poignant.